


The Shadow of the Deep

by gingerchangeling



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 04:24:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18865645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingerchangeling/pseuds/gingerchangeling
Summary: After a fight with Snow, David finds himself at the sea. And gets some of the wisdom the sea can give.





	The Shadow of the Deep

**Author's Note:**

> So I had this weird plot hyena find a nice juicy piece of my inspiration and proceed to sit down and gnaw on it. So behold my beating the hyena with a stick to get it let go.

David hated fighting with Mary Margaret, particularly in the wake of yet another crisis just barely resolved. But sometimes, she just frustrated him to no end. She had been so close to getting seriously hurt. So rather than linger and end up saying something he’d regret, he’d excused himself and left the house, no clear destination in mind. He could feel the anger stir roiling within him, licking at his insides. It made him feel off kilter, and like the tips of his fingers were going numb.

It seemed that his feet had an idea of where to go, and he returned to awareness as the sea breeze stirred his hair. He blinked at the salt in the air as he took in the quiet solitude of the docks. The sunset had lit up the horizon in violent hues of red, orange, and pink, before fading into darkness. 

He winced to himself as he mentally made the comparison of the colors of the sky to the progression of love. Once full of color, then black and lightless. He should know better than to be thinking that way. His love for his family had seen him though all the trials he’d faced. But sometimes, he couldn’t help the resentment that bubbled up in him.

He pinched the bridge of his nose as he made his way to the end of the pier, ending up at the railing, staring down into the dark water below him. The choppy water beat against the piers and whitecaps formed in the distance. There must be a storm coming. 

When he heard heavy footsteps on the planks of the dock not a moment later, he couldn’t help the small chuckle at the irony. A storm coming indeed.

The footsteps were too heavy to be a woman’s so he knew it wasn’t his wife or his daughter. And he could practically hear the swagger with every footfall. 

Sure enough, “Evening Dave.” The pirate’s low voice called out to him. He knew that the man had started calling him that to irritate him in good fun, and at first it had. But now, there was something about it that he begrudgingly appreciated. 

“Hook.” 

David knew that unlike his own nickname, the name he called the other man was malicious. He used it to remind himself what the man was- a pirate and scoundrel, a villain. But the longer he was around the man, the less he could convince himself that it was true. 

He saw Hook amble up to the rail and mirror his hunched posture out of the corner of his eye, but David didn’t turn his head. He held out the hope that Hook would take offence at his silence, and just leave him to his thoughts. 

But the man stubborn enough to pursue Emma apparently had far more patience that David gave him credit for, because the man said nothing, didn’t move, didn’t ask. He just waited. Until finally, David couldn’t take it anymore.

“What do you want?” he snapped, straightening up to glare at the pirate.

Hook straightened as well, an eyebrow raised at his tone, which just set David even more on edge. 

“Well?”

The other man continued to regard him, not speaking. As David waited for Hook to say something, he suddenly became acutely aware of just how sharp his eyes were. As Hook looked him over, David felt extremely exposed, like his face was giving away information against his will. It was a similar experience to when his mother used to watch him. Eyes full of memories. Old eyes. 

It was as if he could feel Hook’s gaze rake across him like a physical force. It made him want to claw at his skin to get it to stop. He wanted to hit the pirate. Anything to get him to stop. 

“Easy Dave.” 

David blinked, the words not what he was expecting, and he pulled his focus out from within himself to take in the pirate clearly once more. And David saw something in his eyes. It looked like judgement….. Or pity. 

It made David furious. How dare the man judge him? How dare the man pity him? It made him so angry he practically couldn’t breath. It was just burning him up. His wife didn’t respect him, his daughter didn’t need him, the pirate thought he could judge him. Before he realized what he was doing, his arm had cocked back and he was swinging wildly, trying to get that expression off the other man’s face.

In a move to fast for him to catch ion the waning light, the pirate dodged the blow, ducking under his outstretched arm to come up behind him. Then he felt Hook’s arm arp around his chest, pinning them together in an iron grip, Hook’s hand above his heart. 

“Easy, easy mate, easy,” the pirate was muttering. 

But David didn’t want to hear it. He needed to free himself. He needed to get the fire in his chest to ease. He needed-

“DAVID YOU NEED TO BREATHE!”

The tone was one the had to be obeyed. The shock of hearing his full name coupled with the absolute command had him still his thrashing. He didn’t realize that his breath was coming in short, quick gasps and the edges of his vision were starting to darken. It was as if his veins were trying to crawl out of his skin. Then he felt Hook’s hand press more firmly above his heart. David reached up, intending to try and yank it away, but ending up just gripping at the pirate’s hand. 

“Calm down mate. Calm down. You need to breathe. Just breathe.”

David managed to suck in a rattling breath, suddenly hyperware of his racing heart and that his whole body was trembling. He forced another deep breath in the bottom of his lungs, trying to work his way out of the crimson and black haze that was fogging his thoughts. 

“Easy mate, easy. Breath. Just like that.”

Hook’s voice was mellow and there was no trace of anger in it, which surprised David, given he’d just tried to punch him in the face. Slowly, he felt his heart slow as each breath came a little more easily than the one before it, until he could take calm, steady breaths. Only once his grip on Hook’s hand loosened di the other man relinquish his hold, pulling back to come stand in front of him.

Now that the roiling anger was no longer burning his insides, he felt a sudden wave of embarrassment and shame, and couldn’t look the other man in the eye. So he dropped them to look back at the wood planks beneath their feet and waited for Hook to deliver a well-deserved scathing remark. 

“First one the, aye?”

David blinked and looked back up at the man in confusion. Confusion which was quickly overtaken by surprise when he saw that Hook’s head was also lowered in shame as well. The pirate scuffed his shoe on the wood. 

“What?” was about all he could manage, but he seemed to get his point across, because Hook looked back up at him with a rueful smile. 

“First time having an attack like that. I believe the book Henry gave me said the proper name for the episodes in this realm is a panic attack. Or an anxiety attack. I’m not quite clear on the difference.” Hook’s brows furrowed for a moment as he seemed to try and clarify it to himself, before his face clear and he continued on with an attempt air of casualness. “Regardless of their name, I am assuming that this is your first time having one?”

David nodded slightly, still extremely confused, “Yeah, I think so.”

Hook nodded before he turned to look out at the sea. David studied his profile, trying to comprehend the man before him. How could a villain and scoundrel know what a panic attack was and be able to recognize it, let alone ease David through it?

He opened his mouth to ask when Hook sighed slightly, moving back to the railing to resume the position they had both been in earlier, effectively putting his back to David as he looked out at the last of the dying light. 

“My brother had the same expression on his face the first time it happened to him. I’m sure I did too when I had mine. He suffered from them more than I did. Hardly surprising, given what he had to endure while we were growing up. It was one of the reasons he was so loyal to the navy. The regiment of it all, the chain of command, the order. It took away a lot of the burden he had to bear. They all but disappeared.” He heard Hook give a quiet scoff. “I had a couple in my youth, while my brother and I were still aboard the slaver. But I quickly picked up vices that held them at bay.” 

David couldn’t help the shock. He knew that Hook had spoken of his past to Emma, but the man was extremely guarded about his history with anyone else. And here he was, laying himself bare. 

“They came back…. heh with a vengeance, appropriately enough... after my brother died. They got better after a time, but after my Milah…. I’d be incapacitated for half a day sometimes.”

David swallowed thickly as he came up to join the other man at the rail, letting the silence sit in the stillness around them before he gathered his courage to ask, “I don’t want to sound ungrateful, because I’m not, but……..why are you telling me this?”

Hook scoffed lightly, “The first time it happened to me,  I was alone. Liam was aloft at the time, I think. I was too young to man the yard, so I scrubbed the decks, polished the brass, labor that men couldn’t be spared for but was easy enough for young hands. I’d just recovered from a whipping, and I’d gone to my little part of the crew’s quarters to lick my wounds in solitude. But when I got there, all my possessions, the meaningless trinkets I’d gathered over the years, and the few precious items from my mother, were all gone.”

Hook paused, and David watched as the man pinched his nose before rubbing at his eyes, as if to try and scubb the memory from his mind’s eye.

“It just so happened that one of the older men from the crew had just finished his shift. When he saw me, he made a passing comment, I honestly don’t remember what it was anymore, and it was enough for me. I snapped and it was like I had been possessed, watching myself grab one of the cutlery knives and charge at him. I don’t remember much of what happened, but I do remember vividly, that I needed to make him, make it stop. And after he’d calmed me down, I felt… dirty. Weak. But the man told me that it was a curse of the sea. Sometimes creatures we cannot name rise up from the deeps.”

David regarded the man before him with new eyes as he continued, unable to grasp the image of the man that was being laid out before him.

“Over the course of the many years, I saw it happen plenty of times. Lads who’d never been beaten before. Men who’d shed one drop of blood too much. Men for whom the horizon was suddenly just too far away. Every port had a different name for it, every apothecary had a different remedy. But it’s the same shadow in every man’s eyes. The shadow of the deep.”

David had to marvel at the low even tone that Hook was speaking in. There was no anger, bitterness, or regret. It was the same tone that one would use to tell the weather with. To describe things that are. 

David looked back out at the nearly blackened sky. “Do you still get them?”

“Aye, though I am familiar enough with the tides that I can tell when it’s coming. In my former days, I’d use it. But that time has long since passed. Now I just ride it out, like every other storm.” Hook paused, turning to assess David for a moment. “I was told this in confidence, but situations might arise in which I’m not present, so I will confide in you as well……” Hook hesitated again, and David could see the conflict on his face. “Your grandson has revealed to me that he suffers from them as well.”

David stiffened, worry running through him.

“It was that conversation with him that prompted me to begin my research on the subject, and I’m very well convinced that Emma suffers from them also, although the likelihood of her actually revealing such a fact is…”

“Non-existent,” David sighed on a chuckle.

“Aye. Just as you say. But the best captains are prepared for any storm they might encounter, be it from the sea herself or not. I’ve read that the best way to lessen their effects and to ‘come out of it’ is to talk about it.”  David nodded. It made sense.

“So do you wish to discuss what disturbed the depths of your soul?”

The question was asked so gently, so calmly, that David was struck by the profoundness of the question. Because that was exactly what was wrong. Exactly why he had stormed out from the house. Because his soul was troubled.

David sighed, because he did want to talk about it, now that he’d calmed down. But it was still  _ Hook.  _  Still the pirate. The villain. 

He looked again at the man. And for the first time, realized that was all he was seeing. The man. 

He wasn’t putting on his usual act of swagger and charm. He wasn’t cloaking himself in his bloodlust and revenge. He was just…. A man who’s depth ran dark. Who as well acquainted with the shadow of the deep. 

As David continued to assess him, Hook raised his head and met his eye. And David came to a sudden realization as he took in the darkness of the depths that lurked there. He realized how old the man before him really was. The weight of ages upon his shoulders, dragging at his skin, creasing his eyes and darkening his brow. If there was any place that David might seek and find wisdom, it would be from the man before him. 

From  _ Killian _ .

“Was love ever hard for you?” Then David blinked, because that wasn’t what he meant to come out of his mouth. But he realized it was the essence of what he wanted to know. 

Killian didn’t react, just dipped his head, “Aye. I’ve always found that loving someone is the hardest thing anyone can do. Hate is easy. Love is not. Well,” he amended with a tilt of his head,’ long lasting love. Meaningful love.”

“What do you mean?”

“When you first find love in yourself for another, it’s like….. A sunrise. It warms you and gets brighter and brighter. And it burns like sunlight within you. But eventually that flame will fade, the sun will set, and the light will fade into darkness. Into night. And it’s then that love become hard. Because those who only seek to find their way by the light aren’t doing any work. It’s easy to see the direction you need to go to get to wherever it is you wish to be.”

David was struck that Killian was using the same comparison that he had.

“But if the light is gone….those who do not wish to work, who do not wish to make it last, will loose their way. But they who wish to keep their love, to end up where they know they should be, it is they who look heavenward. And with a little bit of learning and continuous work, always checking and rechecking, it is just as easy to find your way with the night sky.”

“And how do you know if you are lost or not?” David couldn’t help the concern in his voice. Snow didn’t seem to think he was contributing the same amount that she was. Emma was running away from both of them. The people of his old land didn’t need a prince anymore.

He certainly felt lost. 

Killian gave him an easy smile, “I’ve found, David, that those who care enough to ask that question are, more often than not, not that far off the path.” The a thought seemed to cross his mind. “Maybe that is where the curse of the sea comes from. People who love are looking at the sky to make their way, and sometimes don’t notice that they’ve waded into deep water until they need to get back out of it.”

David took a breath, considering the idea. As he did, Killian straightened. “Aye, well I’ll leave you to the sea, Dave.” He gave a hearty slap on the shoulder, then turned and meandered his way back up the dock. David watched him go for a moment before he looked back out at the now pitch black sky. And all the stars that lay upon it. 

Maybe Killian was right. One could not appreciate the light if one had never seen darkness. There would always be light if he looked for it and that light would always cast shadows in the deep. 


End file.
